This is the real reason we came to China: to bring Lucy back to the place she spent the first three years of life. Seven years ago, we met our daughter, Lucy, in the Social Welfare Office of Guangzhou, not in the Maoming Orphanage five hours away. On this return trip, we hoped that we could volunteer at the orphanage: do dishes, play with kids, mop floors – whatever was helpful. But the Chinese government doesn’t want any of that. The best we could get was a $300 half-day permit, given by the provincial capital in Guangzhou. And the best timing for our visit would be the tail end of our month-long stay in the country.

A bit nervous and bit excited on the way to Maoming.

The facts: Lucy was born with a large hole in her heart. Lucy was left at the entrance to a large park in Maoming, China when she was one month old. Lucy spent three years in the Maoming Orphanage. Lucy still had a large hole in her heart when she visited a Chinese cardiologist in February 2010. Lucy was matched with our family and came to Colorado in early June 2010. Lucy’s hole had closed spontaneously by the time we visited Denver Children’s Hospital in late June 2010. “A medical miracle”, the pediatric cardiologist pronounced.

There’s a hurt in Lucy that I can never totally understand but it comes out, sometimes, as anger that she was thrown away, or discarded because she was born a girl. It’s so tricky to explain the nuances of China’s one-child policy to a child; to explain that Chinese parents had one shot to have a traditional heir; that her heart condition at birth may have forced her parents’ hand in finding the best medical care for their infant girl, even if that care could only come from an orphanage.

Lucy’s reunion with her caregiver. This woman made her an incredible baby book and wrote about her with such affection that I couldn’t wait to show her my gratitude! We are connected on social media now!

I was anxious about our visit to Maoming Orphanage. We all were. What if they were cold and formal? Or what if they didn’t remember much about Lucy? What if the conditions of the orphanage were depressing and hard for our kids to see? But instead, when the gates opened for us at 9:30 am on October 26th, they rushed forward for hugs and had a “Welcome Xin Feng” electronic banner flashing across a screen. We stayed through lunchtime, visiting her old playroom, bedroom and touring the facility. We clung to the stories of Lucy as a baby and toddler, soaking up all the details. They wanted to know how her heart was now and happily heard the tale. They made Lucy a heart ornament with her embroidered Chinese name to hang in her room. Lucy said that the visit made her feel “very popular” and we made lifelong connections with these incredible, loving caregivers.

Lucy was the star of the show. All these women were ecstatic to see her. Their devotion to the children is inspiring.

When we walked out the orphanage gates, two of her biggest fans followed us for final hugs. They were tearful and stood watching us leave; stood until we got to the end of the block watching and waving. What must these women feel after loving so many children, finding them homes, and then wondering how they are faring overseas?  I am so glad that we could answer some of their questions too.

Lorna’s entry to the visitor book. The dedication of these women made huge impression on the kids.

From the orphanage, we walked to the park nearby, where she was “found” ten years ago, wrapped in a white cloth, with a birthdate written on a torn edge of a red envelope. Many adoptees write about the power of revisiting their “finding place” and I thought this might be another emotionally charged moment. Instead, Lucy triumphantly posed for a photo in her spot.

This is the spot where Lucy was placed at one month of age. No victim here – she is proud and she is loved.

The facts of her early years, when stated as a stark list, sound sad. But being here to feel the love of Lucy’s caregivers, the warmth of the Chinese people toward her – wherever we traveled – and the magnificence of this country, have turned a sad set of facts into triumph, acceptance and a source of pride. The holes were filled with love.  I wonder if this month in China rewrote a story, solved some unanswered questions and helped that heart heal just a little bit more. By naming it her “finding” spot, it implies that she was lost. My Lucy, that face in the photo, has never been lost in her life.  These women will now always be part of her finding her way in this world – of finding love, courage and connections.

After the intensity of the orphanage, we explored the coast for two nights and then returned to Maoming for just 18 hours.  On a quick trip to the park, we randomly crossed paths with the orphanage director who ran up to us and hugged Lucy some more.  We all felt like a bit like locals, a bit like we’d found a place where we were loved, like this was our place too.  Now we just need to learn to speak their Cantonese dialect, called Maomingese…

It will break your heart. Everywhere you trek in the Solukhumbu (Everest) region you will see signs of THE earthquake. Everyone you speak with in Pokhara and Kathmandu has a story of the earthquake, maybe even lost a loved one.  Every town you come through, you can hear the construction noise of rebuilding efforts. Other towns simply have a donation collection station to get ready to begin the rebuilding efforts. Since 2015, this country is still recreating itself. The earthquake is ever-present and the country is reemerging but still living within the collective PTSD.

In the early days post-earthquake, the world was sending tarps to use as temporary shelter until rebuilding could start. Those tarps are no longer used as shelter but have been repurposed for other things – but they’re everywhere! I saw some from USAID, Pakistan, Germany, Japan and more. These ubiquitous tarps feel like a sweet worldly reaction to wrap a blanket around Nepal’s shoulders.

But some places are simply beyond repair. Kathmandu’s Durbar Square, once a central Kathmandu hangout, with buildings that dated back to the 15th century, is just rubble. This visit, we purchased an expensive ticket to wander across it, but were happy that our ticket price was contributing to the rebuild effort. Bhaktapur, another city in the Kathmandu Valley dating back to a similar era, was less damaged but looked like a giant-sized puzzle with the pieces unscrambled and ready for reassembly. Many stupas and lesser buildings are simply propped up and waiting for a rebuild effort.

We left Nepal in the midst of the most important Hindu festival of the year – Deshain. In this festival people travel back to their villages (few people are actually FROM Kathmandu or Pokhara). One man whom we met in Pokhara explained that his parents were both killed in the earthquake and his birthhome destroyed so there was no point to go home this year. This was his new home and thankfully his wife and kids were all safe. I thought how many more similar stories were out there – of people missing their loved ones this holiday.

I wonder if this earthquake is analogous to our shadow of 9/11… Yes, it hangs over us and changed the country forever within my generation’s lifetime, but as a percentage, not many of us actually lost family, friends or homes directly. Nepal is smaller than the state of New York, so perhaps the earthquake is to Nepal, as 9/11 is to New Yorkers. The rest of the world has moved on from Nepal’s earthquake, but the rebuilding effort, in one of the world’s poorest countries, is still in great need.